When The Family Affects The Couple Relationship
The foundations falter and the scenario becomes complicated when the family affects the couple’s relationship. This is when we learn to deal with situations we may not have been prepared for. So that we can reflect: when we choose to share our life with someone, we are in a way choosing their family as well.
The problem is not new, we know that. However, conflicts, clashes and disagreements persist (on average) quite often in the midst of such situations orchestrated by intra-family dynamics. Several studies, published in particular in the journal Psychology Today , also reveal that three couples in four have significant problems with their in-laws, and 60% of women tend to have differences with the mothers of their partners.
When the family affects the couple’s relationship: what can I do?
Some people take extreme decisions, putting the spouse between a rock and a hard place, and forcing them to choose. Others create camps and cause real storms. Others choose silence and let go, going so far as to be the center of all grievances, the puppet who endures everything for the love of the spouse. So sooner or later these situations end up affecting the relationship itself, reaching situations as sad as they are disappointing.
While we often wish we could erase or turn off the presence of those conflicting families that sometimes accompany our spouses, there are better options. Let’s see some strategies to think about:
- We will maintain constant communication with our spouse. It is necessary to express to him how certain words, acts or circumstances affect us. We will avoid criticism. It is only a question of highlighting the realities, without falling into contempt or offense.
- The situation of each family is particular. It is therefore necessary to distinguish between what is acceptable and what is not. Between what is understandable and what constitutes abuse.
- We will come to an agreement with our spouse on our limits. About what we will accept and what we will not be willing to accept. The consensus between the two must be very high. But the most important thing is to quickly set these boundaries with the family so that they are clear to all parties.
- It is also necessary to always highlight what hurts us. Or what bothers us about this mother-in-law who criticizes us, this brother who does not accept us or this father who wants to know and control everything. We will practice assertiveness so that they understand the impact of their behavior. So that they perceive our limits and understand that there are alternatives to improve the relationship.
To conclude. Although the family sometimes influences the relationship, it does not always do so in a negative way. Indeed, many political families give way to reflection in times of crisis. If, on the other hand, the influence is negative, it is important to come to an agreement with the spouse on how to act. We will thus obtain its support. The couple will be more likely to come out stronger from the challenge and the conflict resolved if we do so.
