Narcissistic Rage, A Dangerous Reaction
Shouting, banging furniture, insulting or even using passive aggression. Narcissistic rage can manifest itself in many ways, but each time it exhibits a concrete form of violence. This reaction occurs when the narcissist feels flouted, ignored, or disappointed.
It is not just about emotional mismanagement or a lack of education. Narcissistic rage is a reflection of a personality disorder that has many factors.
The education received, egocentricity, lack of empathy, intolerance of frustration, lack of impulse control … And often even untreated trauma generally draw the contours of this complex reality.
However, and despite the fact that many people know or have lived with a narcissistic individual, there is one characteristic that is not talked about much. Indeed, when a narcissist reaches the limit, and feels hurt or threatened, the behavior that he can display is as dangerous as it is disproportionate.
What is narcissistic rage?
It was the psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut who coined the term narcissistic rage in 1972. At the time, he defined this behavior as a form of aggression in which a narcissistic person could behave violently.
The complexity of the situation lies in the fact that this personality profile has a very sensitive threshold. It is therefore frequent that the slightest annoyance, annoyance or anger, triggers the aggression.
This obviously makes cohabitation very problematic, because the entourage always walks on eggshells so as not to offend, not to trigger anger or blow up the traffic jam. Doctor Kohut explained that the origin of this psychological reality lies in many cases in an untreated or managed trauma.
How does narcissistic rage manifest itself?
Some studies, such as that conducted by the University of Iowa in 2015, supports an interesting hypothesis. Narcissistic rage erupts when a person’s constructed sense of “me” is violated or undermined in some way.
The problem is that these people often show low self-esteem as well. This explains why they approach any event or phenomenon as a threat.
- Sometimes they explode for no good reason. They do this only because they have unconsciously treated any stimulus as a threat.
- Narcissistic anger can be explosive or present in a passive-aggressive form.
- The first form manifests itself through very intense but whimsical outbursts. She can get verbally angry or even kick walls and furniture. In some cases, the person can come to blows and escalate into physical violence.
- On the other hand, the passive-aggressive anger of the narcissistic individual manifests itself in a less obvious but just as pernicious way. For example, the person stops speaking as punishment, ignores the one who offended him.
Moreover, another characteristic stands out with respect to this reaction. Indeed, in a non-narcissistic person, anger arises after several emotional levels. In other words, it is common to experience disarray first, followed by anxiety, then agitation, irritation, and finally anger.
However, the person suffering from a narcissistic disorder does not go through this chain. Anger is like the fuse that can ignite the sequel at the least expected moment.
What are the causes ?
The ego of a narcissist is very fragile. It only takes a simple disagreement for her to feel hurt or threatened. It is indeed frequent, for her, to interpret the slightest comment as a humiliation, or a particular gesture as a sign of contempt.
On the other hand, these people are generally suspicious and find it difficult to deal with understanding, thinking and objectivity. Therefore, if you are wondering where narcissistic rage comes from, there are three triggers you can focus on.
A fragile sense of ‘me’
This is what we pointed out at the beginning of the article.Behind many narcissists there are traumas, painful experiences that have not been overcome. A bad childhood, parental abandonment or a dysfunctional family.
All these phenomena can reinforce the appearance of this disorder. In this context, it is common for the person to integrate feelings of anger, shame. She doesn’t feel loved or valued.
These dimensions make it difficult to build a sense of self, of a mature identity. However, as a defense mechanism, people develop an armor in which the need to be the center of attention shines through. When it doesn’t, all the built-up anger and mismanaged frustration emerges.
The need to protect the ego
A narcissistic individual strives to appear better than others. If he is contradicted, he confronts. Anyone who challenges him undermines that golden armor he has strived to build. On the other hand, if we don’t give it the attention it needs, it explodes because we take away what it needs most: the effort to fuel its low self-esteem.
Narcissistic rage and the underlying fear
It is important to know that narcissistic rage is not just a violent reaction. It is not just an impulsive expression of frustration. What is really behind this behavior is fear.
This profile is underpinned by a deep fear of revealing fragility. We also often find the fear of losing control, of being dethroned, of exposing one’s weak personality, etc.
Finally, to conclude, each narcissist has a very thin emotional skin. Therefore, when she is challenged or her protective barriers are gone, she can let the worst of herself emerge.
Such an event has a serious impact on all levels of that person’s life: personal, professional, financial development… It is a very complex psychological reality which requires professional support and adequate therapy.
Our thoughts The narcissism in the couple can first be masked, then hit the person who is in love and make them deeply unhappy.
