I Want To Learn To Refuse Abuse

Abuse is selective, or at least that is what the people who are victims of it think.

Abuse can come from your partner, your friends, or even members of your family. She can surprise you at any moment, and catch you completely off guard.

Abuse can be verbal or physical. This must be taken into account, because if verbal abuse is the most common type of abuse, it is probably because it is the most difficult to detect.

Verbal abuse is so subtle that sometimes we do not even perceive our abuser because his punches are his words.

“The difference between aggression and mistreatment is defined by the objective sought: while aggression is defined by the injury it causes, mistreatment is expressed in words like submission, humiliation, domination, fear, slavery. , etc. ”

-Juan Antonio Cobo Plana-

Learn to be assertive

The first thing to know if you don’t want to be mistreated is that you must learn to be assertive.

Assertiveness is something you can learn; we can learn to assert our rights, we can learn to be respected, we can learn to express what we feel …

Easier said than done, and that, the abusers know it well!

That’s why, usually, they use situations where they leave you speechless, they surprise you, and you don’t know what to do.

Unless the same situation is repeated twice, you don’t know how to react; you feel confused, maybe even lost. This is totally normal.

Sometimes you can be overwhelmed. You find yourself having to face various situations that you never thought you would face one day, and even less because of this person!

“In mistreatment, the effect caused goes far beyond the physical act that gave rise to the mistreatment.”

-Juan Antonio Cobo Plana-

Then comes the time to ask yourself what to do: will you respond or react to the abuse?

They are two very different things. Tell yourself that what matters is not getting into the abuser’s game and letting him or her no longer care about you.

In order to no longer interest the abuser, we must be able to counter-attack each time he addresses us, and that is precisely what assertiveness is used for.

Don’t let anyone control you or scare you; it’s the best thing you can do.

Don’t get into his game

As we said before, the best thing you can do is stay out of the abuser’s game.

This is why our reaction is very important, because it is this which will allow the abuser to decide if he continues, or if he finally leaves us alone.

Take into account the following few factors, which will help you to fight against the abusers:

• The abusers will stir up your fear: use them to think faster, to be more reactive, but also to know how to respond. Don’t let fear cripple or block you.

• Be firm, and question everything the abuser demands of you – don’t let them control you. Who is he to be able to demand such a thing of you?
• Be sure of yourself: obviously, when a person has confidence in them, it is palpable, and keeps away any abuser who would seek a victim.
• Do not be aggressive, in which case you will come into his game. The important thing is not to be too submissive or too aggressive; we have to find a happy medium.
• Your non-verbal language betrays you: stay calm, look the other in the eye, and maintain a firm gaze. It is very important that your voice does not tremble and that you are sure of yourself at all times.

Obviously, some are more exposed than others to abusers.

For example, there are some people who are very resistant to verbal abuse, so much so that they are victims of physical abuse.

It is something that is always said, but because of fear, few do.

If you find yourself unable to prevent the abuse, seek help!

There are people who can help and support you. You are not alone.

“Psychological abuse is that which completely destroys people. Or harassment, the feeling of being watched, unloved. What hurts a lot, too, is a silence, a cold look, a contemptuous look.

-María José Rodriguez de Armenta-

Learn to say “no”, learn to know what you want as well as what you don’t want to allow…

Self-confidence drives out abusers. Strong self-esteem and unwavering confidence will be your two best weapons in order to push abusers to flee and not to approach you.