I Am Not The Result Of My Experiences, I Am What I Have Decided To Be

I don’t just reduce myself to my lost battles or my hours of grief. I refuse to be a part of those who hurt me.

What the mirror reflects to me today is the attitude towards this past that, far from wanting to erase, I accept and surpass in order to be a more beautiful, stronger and more worthy person.

According to Boris Cyrulnik, a famous French neurologist, psychiatrist and ethologist, resilience is like a woolen sweater that we have knitted without knowing it throughout our past.

Each thread that shapes and defines it is an emotion, a thought, a positive and courageous conduct that has allowed us to truly be what we want and what we deserve: a stronger person.

Dear past: today, you no longer hurt me, you no longer prevent me from sleeping or torment me. I am stronger than all the wounds you have inflicted on me, and far from looking at you with tearful eyes, I am now as I want to be: someone more beautiful who smiles passionately in the present.

Approaches such as Gestalt psychology provide us with very interesting strategies on this subject.

For Gestaltists, the only experience that matters is living in the present moment, with full awareness of ourselves. Now… what is the place of our past?

The past exists, and it is very important because it can determine both the reality and the quality of our present.

This is why we must be responsible in dealing with these conflicts which, in a way, disturb our balance at the moment. We invite you to reflect on this subject.

I’m not just reduced to my experiences

You are not that voice that when you were a child constantly screamed at you that you were dumb and that you never did well.

Today, you are this attitude towards this memory, this past. You are the person who has proven to themselves that they are skillful, and able to do things right.

Between the traumatic experience of the past and the reaction of the present opens the way to a delicate and deep personal struggle.

It is simply a matter of “stitching up” our broken pieces and wounds every day with the threads of self-esteem, the buttons of hope and those threads of resilience that Dr Cyrulnik defined.

Healing broken hearts and grieving souls doesn’t happen overnight.

Time, contrary to what most people think, does not erase the suffering of the past, nor does it change it.

In fact, time transforms us. People who have been able to properly handle this complicated experience will advance towards their personal horizons in a more mature, courageous and renewed way.

On the contrary, those who cling to their past blindly and obsessively lose their future. Those who persist in submerging themselves again in their dark holes, in the voices that have shouted at them or in the faces that have hurt them, will fall into complex psychic agony.

In a very painful personal labyrinth. In the rest of this article, we offer you some effective strategies that can help you avoid it.

The art of navigating the waves

If we consider that life is like a trip on a river, we will then understand that these intense waves can appear where the force of the water can hinder us, even drown us.

The art of navigating these waters, which are sometimes calm and sometimes full of unforeseen events, requires above all to be a skilful strategist on an emotional level.

We must be aware of the fact that in the face of adversity, our brain will react in a primary way and via very specific defense mechanisms  such as stress, this cognitive response based on fear, or the lack of defense as well as this tendency. to anticipate the future in a negative way.

When we cannot manage this situation, we become a fragile leaf carried chaotically by the current of the river and the wind.

The art of the good navigator requires knowing how to keep balance. Worry, the sound of negative thinking, fears or resentment are like stones in the heart which will lead us to drown irreparably in the rivers of our life. Don’t allow that.

• According to the Gestalt, it is necessary to be aware of these facts of the past which disturb us in the present. We have to crumble them and place them under our microscope in order to understand how they affect us in the present moment.
• Once we realize how they distort us and how they distance us from what we would really like to be at this present moment, we have to face them.

• Tell yourself that you are not your mistakes from yesterday. You are not that person who underestimated you or abandoned you for someone else. Now look at yourself in the mirror, and think about who you really want to be.
• We are all our attitude to life, not a simple result of everything that has happened to us. The mind interprets, evaluates and confronts each act experienced through self-esteem, resilience and hope.

Put this into practice, do not limit yourself to just “letting yourself be carried away” by the canals of this river.

Fight for what you want to be every day and remember that sometimes it’s better to forget how you feel and remember what you really deserve.