Emotional Manipulation “invisible “

We all know that there are several ways to manipulate someone, through blackmail, insults, bad humor, etc. But there is another form of manipulation that is much more painful that it is difficult to detect early on ; it’s a trap that we gradually fall into …

Albert’s example

Albert was a kind, intelligent boy who led a most normal life. One day he met a girl who was studying psychology. At this point in his life he felt very lonely; he had few friends left, his love life was chaotic, and he couldn’t find a job.

In these cases, people tend to feel more vulnerable and even get manipulated more easily.

This girl supported him unconditionally. For him, it represented a way to escape from his daily life and to forget his problems. He was being manipulated emotionally and without realizing it by a friend of his, who had enough knowledge in psychology to know how to succeed in manipulating Albert.

The action of the manipulators does not always start from a bad feeling; sometimes we suffer so much from a lack that we can come to manipulate the other to give us what we need.

Sandra, Albert’s friend, had depression problems. So she made Albert become attached to her so he could pull her up and give her all the affection she needed right now. As we said before, she used Albert and made him fall in love with her, so that she didn’t lose him and that she could count on someone who will always be there for you. ‘help and encourage him.

Albert was a very pleasant, jovial, meticulous boy who showed a lot of empathy; qualities that Sandra envied in Albert, because they could allow him to come out of the well of depression in which she was.

Sandra was not ill-intentioned. She was a good girl, but due to her depression she needed to rely unconditionally on someone who was not a member of her family.

To make Albert become attached to her, Sandra used several techniques.

Emotional manipulation has two phases:

First phase: attachment

The manipulator begins by distinguishing himself from others by showing himself in his best light so that the manipulated can admire him. It all starts with this phase where he does everything to please the other, where he takes care of himself and gives him everything he desires.

Who has never heard at least once someone say “When we were dating everything was fine, and from the moment we got married things changed”.

Many people manipulate their spouses before marriage until they get what they want, and then the role reversal takes place (which will be discussed later in this article), when they feel that ‘they can trust each other completely.

The manipulator knows what the other needs and gives it to him, and this very often in an excessive way so that the manipulated gets used to being taken care of in this way too pleasant and caring.

It is a phase during which the manipulator shows himself in his best light, opens up to others, and even makes sure to become a pillar in the life of the manipulated by offering him friendship and unconditional support, which reinforces his self-confidence. The only goal of the manipulator is then to gain the trust of the other and to make sure to be admired by him.

How did Sandra manage to get Albert to become attached to her?
She simply applied all the principles of this first step and therefore showed herself in her best light by opening up to him and sharing her knowledge of psychology with him, which she put into practice with her friends. and other knowledge. She explained to him everything there was to know about this profession of psychologist which was his, in order to show herself as being intellectually superior to him.

She used her profession to gain the upper hand over Albert and show him that he was lucky to be able to count her among his friends by assuring him that he could always count on her.

She was well acquainted with Albert’s emotional world, especially his weak points and the shortcomings he suffered from, which enabled her to offer him the support he needed.

She never ceased to flatter him, which allowed Albert to regain his confidence in him. The contact established between them was frequent; thus, the problems he encountered in his daily life weighed less heavily thanks to the continual friendly relationship he maintained with her.

This is a case of “invisible” emotional manipulation because it goes unnoticed, since at the beginning the relationship is all that is most positive.

The only thing that can put in the way of emotional manipulation is excess. Someone may like you, give you affection, or even admire you, but to a certain extent. When it gets excessive, you must ask yourself why you are admired so much: is the person in front of you trying to manipulate you, or is they idealizing you because of low self-esteem- same ?

In the process of manipulation, things will be even worse if in addition the manipulator uses his profession (if of course he exercises a profession which can arouse the interest of the manipulated person).

For example, it’s likely that an obese person who wants to lose weight could fall in love with a nutritionist who offers to help.

If we lack something that the other has, then we are much more able to admire and become attached to them. The same goes for someone who feels bad in his life and who would meet a psychologist who would offer to help him in a friendly way and for free, or for a person who is not in good health and who cannot doing sports ; she is surely more attracted to enduring and talented athletes.

When we lack something, we admire those who have what we lack. If a person who has what you lack offers to help you for free, then you will be much more likely to develop feelings for that person, because they will position themselves on a higher rung from which they will gain more emotional power.

Second phase: role reversal

Once the manipulator sees that the other has complete confidence in him, that he gives him affection, love, and that he is very attached to him, we move on to the next phase: the role reversal. If at the beginning, the manipulator was the one who supported and encouraged the other, then this time he passes to the rank of victim.

He already knew what he wanted to receive from the other and, the latter being already in love, he will do all he can to help the manipulator. Once the manipulated has developed feelings for the manipulator, the manipulator gets the upper hand and holds the reins.

How did Sandra manage to turn the tables?

At first, she spoke well of Albert and tried to differentiate herself from others by devoting herself to helping him, admiring him and flattering him. Then she started talking about her own problems and victimizing herself because of her depression. Albert, already in love with her, then did everything to help and support her as best he could.

Once the role reversal takes place, the attention, affection and support that one receives from the manipulator becomes scarce. Now he is the one who needs help.

Sandra made sure that Albert was only there to console her, to listen to her, and to support her.
Normally, the manipulated person realizes that the situation becomes problematic when he realizes that during the first phase, it was pleasant to be in the company of the manipulator.
But since the passage to the second phase, all is more than discomfort and suffering.

The manipulator can even go so far as to ignore the manipulated, this will lead the latter to become attached even more; the manipulator knows that whatever he does, the manipulated, already very attached to him, will always be there.

The manipulated feels frustrated because he does not receive as much attention as at the beginning. He may even come to feel guilty for doing something wrong that could have ruined everything and caused this turnaround in the relationship. He does not understand what could have happened and is not aware of being manipulated: the first phase is nothing more than a good and distant memory.

He may even become emotionally dependent if he doesn’t pull away from the manipulator when he realizes the relationship is making him unhappy and uncomfortable.

In these cases, we often lie to ourselves; we are convinced that everything will work out. But what is certain is that the only thing that can happen to the manipulated person is to fall into a vicious cycle of persisting in trying to work things out even though the other person is not. he does not put his own and that he does not behave as at the beginning.

Listen to your emotions

Emotions speak for themselves. If they are negative, then the relationship is not healthy. There are situations where reason has no power, because you cannot get into other people’s heads to see what they are thinking and find out why they are acting in a certain way.

But if reason has no power, then your emotions will always be the only ones fooling you. When you are manipulated or caught in an unhealthy relationship, you will always be the victim of negative emotions.

Many manipulators try to make the victims feel guilty, but there is no point in making them feel guilty; the most important thing is your well-being, and if someone is raising negative emotions in you, it is better to move away from that person, whether it is a friendship, a relationship couple, or any other type of relationship.