Do You Know How Perverse Communication Works?
To destabilize a person, there is no need to create direct conflict or exercise any physical violence. The use of irony, mockery or innuendo is part of a type of communication between equals, at the end of which an individual suffers damage. We are referring here to perverse communication, and we can meet it in couples, friendships or in the professional environment.
Perverse communication refers to psychological torture of a fellow man ; it does not make noise but destabilizes and disturbs the one who pays the price. It can all start with a simple lack of respect, without obviously the slightest feeling of guilt on the part of the one who shows it.
To exercise this type of communication, it suffices for an individual to make fun of a companion’s personal tastes, successes or expectations, whether in private or in public. It is also usual for him / her to deprive him / her of the opportunity to express himself or to make innuendos without the other being able to clarify them.
Other times he just needs to stop talking to her, despite the victim’s constant attempts to find out if his mate is really ignoring him for no apparent reason or not. These actions are normally accompanied by non-verbal communication, through exasperated glances or oversized sighs.
“A well-placed word can kill or humiliate without even getting your hands dirty.”
-Pierre Desproges-
Irony and mockery: two forms of perverse communication
Irony and mockery are two weapons wielded by these individuals, which will determine their circle of relationships. A priori , this attitude can give the impression of a strong individual since, in front of everyone, it places him in the position of “the one who seems to know”.
The persistence of this attitude leads to the general belief that this person is “like that”. Basically, she succeeds in creating unpleasant climates and unsavory atmospheres in all areas of her life where she acts in this way. This is an attitude which, at the same time, contributes to the fact that it can never create spaces of completely sincere and intimate communication.
In this way, the interlocutor ends up accepting the sarcasm, indifference and contempt of their spouse, friend or co-worker, as if this is the price to pay to maintain a relationship with this attractive person. but extremely complicated.
Sarcasms and little marks of contempt are used as little pikes that embarrass and disturb the other and end up being said in the presence of other people. In addition, we can also face the presence of an accomplice who is part of the group. The assault is so insidious that the receiver doubts and doesn’t know if it is serious or if it is a joke they should accept.
The vicious circle of these toxic relationships
These actions are so part of everyday life that they seem to be extremely normal. They start with a simple lack of respect and then lead to continuous attacks that will have important consequences on the psychological health of the person who suffers from them.
It is something so cryptic and everyday that the victims eventually decide to accept it and come to terms with it: they end up thinking that it is better to be with these people than against. This leads to a real distortion of the relationship between the two parties.
Marie-France Irigoyen tells us about this type of violence, the one that sets in very slowly and gradually; the person who suffers from it does not react by counter-attacking but shows an attitude which fuels even more the masked aggressions of the other. We are talking about excessive friendliness here. These people think that if they manage to make the other person a little more happy, he / she will change at some point.
If, at any time, the one who suffers from it decides to rebel and lift his head a little out of the sand, the “higher being” will take care of restraining him / her, canceling all capacity for critical thinking and putting the brakes on them. causing him to lose his notion of identity.
How to stop this type of relationship?
People who are unsure of themselves are likely to fall into the clutches of those who manipulate. They put the opinions of others before their own because they believe that they will always know more about everything.
Having said all of this, who is really unsure of himself / herself, the one who is being manipulated or the one who needs to manipulate in order to feel stronger in the face of everyday situations? In any case, we see that it is necessary to instill respect for others in people from an early age. We need to understand that each individual is unique and should not pose a threat to others.
To you whom I do not know (or maybe I do), I can tell you that you matter as much as all those around you (no more and no less). Walk with your head held high wherever you go, because your physique, opinions and goals are worthy of being fully appreciated.
