The Risk Of Being A Parent Present, But Absent

There are parents who, even if they are present, are emotionally inaccessible.

Entangled in their daily concerns and their personal worlds, they do not realize that children have a radar of authenticity with which they perceive neglect and cold estrangement, this absence, this emptiness that can leave traces.

According to an astonishing study by Boston University (USA) and carried out in various fast food restaurants , it was discovered that one of the most common causes why some parents were no longer present for their children was cell phones..

A clear reflection of current society and which will probably make today’s children into absent adolescents.

Every child needs to be recognized by his parents and for that, he seeks this emotional connection which arises from the heart, from the sincere gaze, from the authentic presence.

The subject of absent parents is a subject of great concern to psychologists and educators around the world.

So much so that the publishing market is beginning to be sensitive to a new type of education which would consist of learning to be present physically, in soul and in heart for children.

An example can be found in the book “Parenting in the present moment” by Dr. Carla Naumburg.

We invite you to think about this. 

Absent father and mother: consequences

Children can accept our lies with loyalty. When we say to them: “yes I am listening to you my heart, yes, your drawing is very pretty”, they will nod with their faces, but their wise looks and their hungry hearts will know that their father, that their mother is not with them. at this time, that their words are not quite sincere because their mind is very, very far away.

An “I love you” has more power than a gift. A laugh, a hug and an “I will always be with you” are weapons of power to create an unshakeable bond with our children.

We know that the work, the daily problems and the pressures which we must face are a priority to maintain a family balance.

Now to educate a child, it is not enough to give him shelter, food, warmth and place him in a good school.

Children have emotional needs that must be met for their psychological and neurological development to be normal.

Consequences of absent presence

Some of the consequences that can cause parents to be absent are:

• Children will never question the adult. If they perceive that their father or mother is with them but does not offer them affection or attention because he or she is absent, they will think it is their fault. They internalize rejection, an emotional pain that leaves an imprint in their brain.

• Children need attention to feel assertive, to build their identity. If they don’t feel the strength of this bond, they will have problems with their self-esteem.
  In the short term, they can react in two ways: by isolating themselves or by reacting with anger or with provocative behavior.

• Sometimes it can happen that the parents are only physically present to give orders such as when to go to bed, brush their teeth, get up, get dressed, do their homework …
  Nobody listens to the children of the house, consoles their fears, laughs at their ideas or gives wings to their dreams. The children, little by little, fall into the sad abyss of parental loneliness.

How to be parents present?

Now we know that it is not enough to be physically present, that we must limit the use of the telephone and that our children have this insight and this intuition to perceive if we are with them in an authentic, sincere and full way. …

So what more is missing? What strategies do we need to practice to meet all of our children’s needs?

We invite you to think about these basic aspects.

• Listen to your children. It sounds obvious, but not all parents really do it.
  Listening is looking in the eye and giving genuine importance to each word they say, no matter how ingenuous or eccentric their reasoning is.
  Regardless, the best time to educate them and make them happy is NOW.

• Yes at times of daily complicity. There are times that must become obligatory rituals during which to share TIME with your children, but quality time.
  These conversations during meals, these stories before sleeping… These are magical moments where you have to be present, moments that create emotional marks on children.

• Teach them to be patient. To be a present parent, it is also necessary to teach our children that sometimes we have to wait and know how to deal with frustration.
  It is clear that we are not going to be able to be with them every second of the day, because we all have responsibilities.
  You have to be patient in order to get what you want: to share quality time.

• Stimulate their imagination, play with them. If you want your kids to be happier people, teach them how to be a happy adult through you.
  Play with them, give them enthusiasm, develop their imagination through play.
  In this way, you will give wings to their dreams, you will strengthen their self-esteem by offering them recognition and that sincere tenderness that forges freer minds and stronger hearts. It’s worth it.