Codependency: When Too Much Love Kills Love
There are people who are codependent, that is, they are ready to do anything or endure any humiliation in the name of love. They assume that when you love too much, first of all, you have to let go of yourself. That is, giving unconditional affection and forgiving a thousand and one times if necessary. All this so as not to lose the loved one and to please him.
Within this group of people, for example, are mothers who pay off debts incurred by their children over and over again. They know it’s not right, but they end up justifying it in the name of love. There are also those who stay with a spouse who mistreats them. They argue that when they love too much, no offense can end that bond.
The truth is that in such cases we are not faced with unusual love, but with codependency. It causes a person to experience an overwhelming and unmanageable type of affection. She literally feels that she cannot live without the other. That’s why she’s ready to do anything except break that bond. Such a person is sorely lacking in self-esteem.
Codependency: Do you love this person too much or need them too much?
Without realizing it, a codependent person acts on one principle: they need the other to need them. It is his way of forging meaningful connections in his life. Her basic attitude is to “save” the other, to act as a buffer for any negative consequences that result from the actions of this beloved person.
People with such a functioning forget themselves. They consider that their needs and wants should always be in the background. The only thing that really matters are the needs and wants of the other. They are ready to sacrifice themselves for him, and explain this unfair situation by simply saying that when they love too much, they are never too devoted.
However, this situation is a source of suffering and anxiety for them. When we love too much, we will probably also have difficulty sleeping or be in a state of constant restlessness. A person who loves too much may also experience alterations in their eating habits or difficulties in other areas. According to her, when she loves, sooner or later her care and attention turns into controlling behaviors, the goal of which is not to lose the loved one.
I want you to need me
The peculiarity of a co-dependent relationship lies in the fact that one of the two members of the couple has an intense need for the other to need him. A person exhibiting such behavior cannot be described as autonomous or mature. Rather, he is a fragile person with a lot of problems.
This type of relational mode results in an insane symbiosis. A relationship where there is abuse on both sides. Basically, there is a tacit agreement: one commits not to solve his own problems and the other to prevent him from doing so, in exchange for unconditional “love”. It is a neurotic entanglement that is difficult for those involved to recognize and analyze.
Thus, the co-dependent feeds the abusive behavior of the dependent. His excess of consumption, his anger, his passivity, his excessive demands… What terrifies the codependent the most is that the other no longer needs him.
Behind excessive love often hides a deep fear of abandonment. In this type of “love”, it is suffering that prevails, not happiness. This situation frequently arises in people who suffered disabilities or abuse in their childhood. It is possible to change behavior by recognizing that much of what you feel and what you do is not the result of love, but of fear.
Our thoughts Some people do not realize that they are immersed in a devouring relationship because they consider certain behaviors to be normal …
