Doing A Person A Disservice

To render service is to perform an action in order to be useful and pleasant to another, however the service can turn out to be bad. In such a situation, both parties find themselves in a very awkward position. A person who does a disservice does not always do it unwillingly.

On the contrary, the intention is often good and altruistic. Ultimately, however, the action taken ends up being a problem. So let’s dig a little deeper into this question.

Sometimes, without even asking, we get help from other people. And this, in a generous and unexpected way. It then fills us with joy and gratitude to those who, through their contributions, give us a helping hand.

Of course, such situations can be trivial in a world of constant demands and demands. Sometimes we even forget to be grateful to these people who are ready to give us a little help.

From service to gratitude

Lack of recognition may be due to cognitive distortion. The very one that makes the negative more visible than the positive. Selective abstraction (or selective filtering) is a distortion of thought. It leads us to perceive the whole situation negatively. So there is a tendency to dwell on the negative details rather than the positive ones.

Beyond the lack of recognition, we must also mention another phenomenon. Not paying enough attention to situations that intentionally or unintentionally lead us to unwanted situations.

Moreover, life is not a mathematically perfect algorithm. Thus, actions or circumstances which initially are favorable to us may end up harming us. Most of the time, these are unintended results. This is how a service sometimes becomes a bad service. This is often due to the appearance of obstacles along the way.

On another level, mental filters are lenses through which we process the information we receive. But also the thoughts that we generate. We all have them and we apply them from the experiences we have. All of this is usually done unconsciously. Mental filters or cognitive distortions are at the origin of recognition or ingratitude in response to a service rendered. And this, whether it was requested or not.

Condescension and bad service

On other occasions, and to our surprise, some bad service comes from not always so well-meaning people. On the other hand, in this case, a person obviously benefits from the situation. This is most often the person who “wanted to help us”.

These situations are usually associated with a condescending attitude. This is because condescension occurs when a feeling of superiority is mixed with false kindness towards the person the patron is supposed to help. Someone may be condescending to us. The service then serves as a disguise for trickery and the consequences are generally harmful to us.

In order to avoid such situations, it is important to keep a certain critical sense. So let’s be careful with the services we are offered. If it’s too late and the damage has already been done, here’s what we can do.

What to do in the event of poor service?

For example, we can follow the following tips:

• Relieve guilt:  first, identify the cause of the situation. If it’s not our fault, it won’t be your fault
• Take responsibility:  the absence of guilt does not, however, take away from our responsibility. Indeed, we are also responsible for what we accept
• Evaluate intention and let go:  it’s about whether the person doing us a disservice did it with good or bad intentions. At the end of the day, we are human and whether we like it or not, we often get it wrong. Humanism opens the doors to compassion and forgiveness. It is also important to remember that many bad services are the product of ignorance. And this, whether they were well or badly thought out

The exchange of services rendered

When we talk about a service, we are usually referring to a selfless and well-meaning act that benefits the person receiving it. Today, however, it seems that a service should be reciprocal. So many render service hoping for something in return sooner or later.

Thus, if it is not “reimbursed”, the service rendered sometimes becomes a debt. And this, inevitably, with the negative consequences that this implies. This is bad service from the start. In addition, the failure to return the lift puts the recipient in a position of inferiority. Even if it is neither more nor less than a projection. This projection in fact creates a kind of imaginary stock exchange of the market for services rendered and debts for services. It can cause negative feelings or resentment. Especially if the “generous” receives nothing in return.

Socially, the service is generous and selfless. However, services that at first glance may not seem interested – but actually are – reflect a patronizing attitude. This is often the beginning of bad service. This is why  it is good to think twice before accepting a service . And more when it’s offered to you without us asking for anything.

The idea of ​​a chain of favors is an idea opposed to the mercantile idea of ​​the service to be rendered. It assumes that we can all be selfless. So if we do a service for someone without expecting anything in return, someone else will do the same for us.

Our thoughts

“Gratitude is the memory of the heart”