The Curious Emotional Life Between A Man And A Woman

The emotional life between a man and a woman is a curious exchange, strongly influenced by the needs and the emotional and cognitive habits of the two members.

These will depend greatly on educational and biological preferences which vary according to the emotional balance of each human being.

The most common complaint men make towards women is that they are overly emotional.

Conversely, women accuse them of not being enough. With these reproaches, we pretend that the other must change and adapt to our needs, then we think that if he does not do it, it is because he does not really want to.

However, we must realize that  what goes on in the emotional brain circuits that prevail in men and women is often quite different.

We will develop this question later in this article.

Two different emotional systems

Daniela is going through a moment of very strong professional stress. When she comes home, she needs Georges to listen to her and take her in his arms. However, when she starts to talk about her problems, Georges goes into what she calls her “robot mode” and starts telling Daniela what she could do to change the situation.

This annoys Daniela who thinks that Georges does not understand what is happening to her and that he does not give importance to his situation. For his part, Georges is very upset to see Daniela in this state, but he cannot find the ideal way to help her because even if he presents solutions to Daniela, she does not succeed or does not try. not to put them into practice.

Until recently, we believed that the differences in feelings and expression of emotions in men were only due to the education they had received.

However, as we have been telling you from the beginning of this article, it actually depends on the mental processes that are triggered differently in the brains of men and women.

This difference is characterized by the use of two distinct brain systems that work simultaneously ( the specular neuronal system and the parietotemporal union ).

We will explain these concepts to you in detail, while continuing to illustrate it with the example above.

When women cry, they can cause real brain pain in men

If we could scan George’s brain when Daniela complains about his problems and starts to cry, we could see that he activates two emotional reading systems.

The first is the Specular Neural System (ENS), which will allow her to feel the emotional pain that Daniela feels and expresses. At this moment, Georges is in total empathy with his partner.

Then we would be able to see that George’s brain triggers the parietotemporal union (UPT), which allows him to analyze the situation and seek solutions. This is called cognitive empathy.

While the male brain has been able to use ENS from late childhood, male hormones may make it prefer to use UPT to cope with certain situations, although this varies greatly from man to man. other.

The UPT is responsible for designing a clear border between the subject’s own emotions and those of others, which very often prevents the mental processes of the individual from being able to permeate the emotions of others.

This enhances the ability to search for a solution analytically and cognitively, which comes in handy in the pragmatic world we live in.

If we watched George’s brain as it presents its solutions to Daniela’s problems, we could see how he managed to alleviate her pain. We would see that his cortex activates while he naturally asks his partner: “How many people would you need to be able to move forward on your project?”.

This thought will greatly irritate Daniela. She will then answer him curtly “ How does this question advance my problem? I have to do with the team that I have ”, while giving Georges a resentful look.

However, George’s brain is not going to notice the emotional coloring of Daniela’s words, as the male brain has turned off the emotional empathy zone, seeking a practical solution to Daniela’s problem using cognitive empathy.

By following this model, Georges offers Daniela the best solution that her brain has allowed her to discover: “ Hiring temporary workers ”.

Automatically, the areas responsible for well-being are activated in George’s brain, because of this idea which seems to him to settle the entire question.

But the pleasure only lasts a few seconds, as Daniela’s expression darkens and she begins to cry.

She complains to her partner that he doesn’t understand her state of mind and doesn’t care about her problem.

Two distinct brain realities

Georges tries to help his partner by all the practical means that his brain can put at his disposal, because his emotional logic tells him that it is the best thing to do.

But Daniela is not at all in the same perspective and seeks emotional empathy more than cognitive.

Practical solutions don’t matter to her, she needs to feel emotionally synchronized with her partner.

We must therefore conclude that the emotional life of a man is no less rich and less valid than that of a woman, but that we simply function differently at the brain level.

This can create many problems of understanding, but also be the source of a certain complementarity.

Now that you know all about this topic, don’t hesitate to remember it when faced with a similar situation, whether you are male or female.

Sources consulted

Carlson, N. (2014). Physiology of behavior. Pearson.

Brizendine, L. (2010). The male brain. Brooch.

Images of Claudia Tremblay, Puung and unknown authors.