5 Myths And Mistaken Beliefs About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful weapon that allows us to live in peace with others and above all, with ourselves.

However, many people fail to understand how liberating it can be to forgive others.

Forgiveness can be a double-edged sword. In fact, it is a common form of manipulation of others in order to get what you want from them.

This is why it is important to understand forgiveness and learn to set limits to protect yourself from the abuse of others. 

On the other hand, our culture imposes ways of behaving on us, which we follow mechanically, often without realizing what we are doing.

We simply react as what is expected of us without thinking of other possibilities, feeding ourselves and reinforcing those stereotypes that alter us so much.

In this article, we are going to see what are the myths and mistaken beliefs about forgiveness. Thinking about this will help you succeed in forgiving sincerely, being aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it.

1 – We should overcome the feeling of being hurt before forgiving

Many people believe that they must first get over the pain and anger before they can forgive, as if they need to feel better in order to be able to forgive. However, it is quite the opposite.

Forgiveness is an option you must choose. If you wait for the anger to pass, it will make things more and more difficult.

It’s “hot” that you have to decide. Thus, the state of tension and anger will pass first, because you will prevent it from taking hold of you.

2 – We should choose to forgive, even when we don’t feel it

This is something that we instill a lot in children and a lot of people reproduce that in adulthood.

But forgiveness is not a choice that can be imposed, it is a free and conscious choice, which can take a little time to be accepted.

If you forgive out of obligation, you do not forgive with the heart but with words. The anger then turns into negativity, which will explode sooner or later.

Take the time you need, but choose freely whether or not to forgive.

3 – We should not forgive the same thing several times

We are human and we make mistakes, and we even repeat those mistakes. In fact, we would be the only human beings who stumble over the same stone several times.

Learning from mistakes is not easy, especially when we are fully aware of it. Not everyone understands things the same way, and in behaviors a lot of different factors come into play.

There are things you may be able to forgive once and it can be very difficult to forgive them a second time.

But not all offenses are similar in severity, and their impact depends on the person who commits them.

We must therefore consider each problem independently and not generalize.

4 – We could not forgive someone who does not regret

If the other person doesn’t regret what they did, the full weight of the anger will fall on us, and it hurts even more.

If you forgive someone who has hurt you, you free yourself from that burden.

Many people use this to hurt others even more because they understand the power they have over them when they don’t regret.

But if you forgive them, you disarm them, and you rob them of a valuable tool to achieve their goals.

5 – When we forgive, we would validate what the other has done

Many people believe that forgiving is a way of telling another that what they have done is right or at least admissible.

In fact, many think so to validate inappropriate behavior.

By forgiving, we send a message to the other: we tell them that they do not have enough power to affect you, because we are above that.

Here, forgiveness allows us to be above the psychological manipulation that the other can exercise on us.