How To Gain Autonomy In Your Relationships?
Combating emotional addiction is not easy, but neither is it. Breaking the chains that bind us to another person, setting boundaries, and researching our own activities and times are strategies that will help us achieve self-reliance.
However, it’s important to know that during the first few months of a relationship, it’s okay to count the minutes to see the other person and want to spend as much time as possible with them. Something that disappears when the phase of passionate love begins to fade to give birth to mature love.
The problem arises when this desire to be with the other becomes a necessity and being alone or doing something without the other becomes unpleasant. In this type of situation, emotional dependence appears on the scene. And this is where we start to stop being ourselves in order to satisfy another person’s wants and expectations. We chain ourselves to her and the relationship only to eventually become invisible… What can we do to fight her?
Do different activities to gain autonomy
Although we agree with our partner on a large number of aspects, it is inevitable that for others we are totally different or even disagree. It is not possible to agree on everything: maybe we like hiking and not our partner; maybe we are motivated by strength sports and she prefers aerobics …
The important thing is that these differences are respected. Because being in a relationship does not mean sacrificing our independence, our tastes and our hobbies or just our opinions and even less being together all the time. A relationship is much more than being equal and in agreement, it is to connect, respect, accept and grow together.
Today, people who suffer from emotional addiction, fear of abandonment and loss of another person can cause them to limit their activities if they are not with their partner and ultimately limit their own world. The point is that at first it may seem harmless, but it ends up negatively affecting self-esteem. That is why it is recommended that you do not give up what you like and what the other person is not involved in.
In addition, having this intimate and personal space also helps to fight one of the most predominant beliefs in romantic love: gaining autonomy in the relationship does not mean less loving, but taking care of yourself and cultivating this. that makes us vibrate without depending on another person to accomplish it.
Distinguish between friends with and without a partner
Sometimes when we have a relationship, we get to know other people in a relationship and with whom we become friends. This is very positive and enriching; however, what happens to single friends that we put aside when we met our partner?
Many people move away from their friends because they don’t want to let go of their partner, especially those who are emotionally addicted. The problem is, it’s not very healthy. If we think in the long term, we will see that this attitude can have very negative consequences : do we no longer care about that friend who has always been by our side? Did he really do anything to us? What will happen if the relationship breaks down?
Thinking that it can happen is difficult, but the odds are there. We have no guarantee that what we have with the other person will last forever – another romantic beliefs. Therefore, not taking care of our friends can cause us to find ourselves alone and without support.
It is always rewarding to have people who are there no matter what, who enjoy our company and with whom to share our experiences. What is not acceptable is to be there or not for them, depending on whether or not we have a partner.
The harm that “we are one” can do
One of the biggest beliefs that has done a lot of harm to the well-being of a relationship is the story that “we are one” : when we are in a relationship, to counter this belief, we have to see each other. as a team of two people who share their lives, but who are not just one. Therefore, we are different but with a common path: the relationship.
According to all the beliefs that revolve around relationships, the “we are one” that can seem so innocent, even affectionate, can turn into something very dangerous. And this is so because in some situations we are not quite sure where the lines are between each other’s individuality and we gradually fade into a relationship supported by irrational beliefs as we lose ourselves.
We all need to learn to gain autonomy in our relationships. While a lot of people are already doing this, we just need to take a look around to see if there are a lot of others who aren’t.
Some may do well as a couple when autonomy doesn’t exist and it helps them experience the relationship that way, but for people who suffer from emotional addiction, this approach may not work for them. At best, they will make bad choices while losing their self-esteem along the way …
Our thoughts Many people in a relationship are not happy. However, they do not want to end it despite their suffering. Why ?
