How Are You? A Question Of Great Value
The feeling that those around us are busy with their own affairs, without having free time for anything else, is a common feeling for many people. Life today is fast paced and days are disappearing from the calendar at a certain speed. Almost all of us have a hard time stopping in our path. To leave homework for a moment to think about those around us. Sometimes just a “how are you?” can become the gateway to the intimacy of the people we love.
However, sometimes we are so focused on ourselves, on how we work in the office, in college, or how we are going to carry out our next projects, that we lose our way.
When someone looks us in the eye and sincerely asks us how we are doing , we usually get that feeling of joy that comes from feeling recognized and deserving.
If we stop to reflect on this reality, we will find that other home areas are much more superficial. And that the reinforcement they can bring us is more fleeting. However, the social support is deep and very rewarding. Without social support, for example, good self-esteem is difficult.
The value of “how are you?”
The courage to ask someone how they’re doing in a transparent and candid way is deposited in the words. However, he does not reside there. Its importance stems from the interest it reveals. Perceiving that someone else cares about us fuels our self-esteem. It is something inherent in the human being.
Millions of years ago, if we were not accepted into our tribe, we had a good chance of not surviving in an environment riddled with beasts and adversities. Thus, teaming up with others of the same species guaranteed this survival.
On the other hand, this is not a purely two-way question. In other words, if I want to increase the likelihood that others are interested in me, ask me how I feel and help me when I need it, obviously I have to do the same with them.
And sincere, without expecting it in return from others. This point is very important because it reflects a sincere love for others. If we want to receive love, we must first give it.
Steps to generate genuine interest
Taking an interest in others and being interested in us is not an easy goal to set up. As we explained before, sometimes the pace is so fast that it is very difficult to get out of trouble to look around. Inertia invites us to stay focused, to keep our vision of the tunnel.
In this dynamic, it’s not uncommon for us to wake up one day and realize that the people who mattered to us are no longer there. We haven’t given them enough importance.
To widen our gaze, we can take a series of steps that allow the manifestation of our true interest in others:
- Force yourself to ask at least two people a day, how are you? How’s life ? You can do this as an exercise to see if you are really able to achieve it. People tend to monopolize conversations with others by talking a lot about them: our work, our partner, our children. This “yo-yoism” does not allow us to decentralize, learn from others and promote help if the other is feeling frustrated or unhappy.
- Tell yourself that being interested in others makes you happier: often we put happiness in mundane things. We say to ourselves “I’ll be happy when I find my dream job”, “I’ll be happy when I take this exam”, “I’ll be happy when I get married”. It is true that all these reasons generate a certain well-being and undoubtedly happiness. We agree on that. The problem is, when we adjust to the new situation, a new “baseline” is created within us and we need something more. It is fleeting well-being. However, maintaining social relationships based on loyalty and truth makes us happy most of the time.
- It all comes back to you: when you become someone who cares about others, and you ask how are you, your world changes. If before everyone seemed to be doing their own thing, now you will notice that you get more messages, more calls, more visits, and ultimately more attention. Reciprocity occurs. This union with others brings us many advantages: it increases our self-esteem, our psychological well-being, helps us in our projects, allows us to learn new things and even to increase our immune system.
- Avoid Your Own Problems: Sometimes focusing on other people can be a relief. When you are alone, you can find yourself exhausted. Try to avoid this from time to time and rest by jumping into other people’s stories. It may be more interesting than you think. Ask your foreign colleague why he decided to live in your city. Ask your mom why she fell in love with your dad. Or why they chose your name and not another. Sometimes other people’s stories may surprise you
- Take action: start asking questions about your surroundings today, in addition to how are you. Take action in your behavior. Invite a family member you haven’t seen in a while for coffee. Say something to a worker you see tired, or cheer them up. Listen to a friend without interrupting them. Smile at your neighbor in the elevator. There is a lot you can do for others. Remember: like the boomerang effect, (almost) it all comes back to you
As you can see, genuine concern for others usually turns into deep well-being in oneself. Happiness comes in large part from the accompaniment of our equals and we must therefore cultivate this attention.
A sincere look, a tender gesture of the hand, and a feeling that without words is able to say “here I am if you need me” can be more precious than anything else material. Decentralization makes us free, human. And as a result, it makes us people immersed in relationships based on love and truth. Isn’t it worth trying, and asking “how are you” to those around you?
Our thoughts Do you think that there can be some comfort in relating to people in the same unhappy situation as you?
