Trying To Please Everyone Is Exhausting
Many people are desperate to gain approval from those around them. Without it, they are unable to make decisions and choose for themselves. It is impossible for them to be confident in their choices. This gradually destroys their self-esteem. Plus, trying to please everyone is exhausting.
Everyone’s need to be loved is considered an irrational belief or expectation. Indeed, it involves perfectionist and unattainable goals: it is impossible to please everyone.
For this reason, trying to please everyone in many cases only generates impotence. It is therefore necessary in this case to radically change the way he behaves depending on the context. This generates tension which usually manifests as anxiety.
The effort to please leads to rejection
Albert Ellis, the father of the ABC Method, believed that much of our suffering depends on our interpretation of reality rather than reality itself. So many of our irrational beliefs can cause a lot of pain. By questioning them and eliminating them, we will improve our mental life, and therefore our sensory life.
It’s interesting that in most cases when we try to please everyone, we experience rejection. A rejection which hurts and which comes up against the belief consisting in thinking the following thing: “if I am like the others want, they will like me”. This dissonance between belief, action and response that we receive is the cause of our pain and suffering amplification. But instead of trying to be ourselves, we are more determined to try harder. This is when trying to please everyone becomes exhausting.
Maybe at first we can like people who are subservient and who always prove us right. But this pleasant feeling of the beginning does not take long to convert into rejection, as soon as one identifies the other as an artificial being, incapable of being true. We encounter this phenomenon most often in certain couple relationships: at the beginning, everything is fine, but over time, we get bored.
Imagine how difficult it can be to spend time with someone who never shows up for who they are. That is to say, a being who never is, who has no voice and who intuitively opts for what others want.
The dark side of the tendency to try to please everyone
Trying to please everyone is exhausting, and that’s when your hidden face can emerge. People who have this habit of constantly seeking the approval of others may do this for a while. But when their energies falter and a feeling of unease overwhelms them, they become powerless because they do not have their own credentials. A condition that behaviorally can manifest as aggression.
We cannot fake it indefinitely. Even if we do everything to please others, sooner or later pressure will build up inside us. It is the feeling of not being able to represent more than a simple role that will end up exhausting.
People who are obsessed with making everyone happy are generally people who consider that only two answers are possible: all or nothing. So, once they are tired of failing to achieve one goal, they will focus totally on another, forgetting the previous one.
Trying to please everyone is bad enough. Many people use this attitude to manipulate. However, others do it because they don’t know how to behave in a healthy way. Their self-esteem is so low that they are afraid that someone will discover their true personality.
Strengthen your self-esteem, change what can be and what cannot. These are solid pillars of social independence. Independence greatly linked to personal autonomy, an agent of protection against emotional dependence.
Our thoughts Are you one of those people who are afraid of not pleasing others? If you haven’t said stop yet, I challenge you to try q …
