Slave Grandparent Syndrome

The emergence of the phenomenon of slave grandparents is largely due to changes in family structure in recent decades. With the integration of women into the world of work and the increase in life expectancy, more and more older people are looking after their grandchildren full time. This, in part, greatly facilitates the famous reconciliation of work and family life.

But what are the limits of this situation? Indeed, it is necessary to know how to respect the space of the grandparents. We must not forget that they have already managed their lives and that of their families.

Retirement is a moment experienced as a liberation. A time of rest and pleasure. Thus, after a life devoted to work, retirees can finally rest and devote their time to their hobbies and hobbies. But what is happening in our society right now?

According to Colubi and Sancho (2016), slave grandparent syndrome causes a set of psychological and physical symptoms that older people suffer from due to social changes. This set of symptoms also has consequences on different levels, starting with the physical.

Reconciliation and the role of grandparents within the family

How important is the role of grandparents in the family? Given the period of turbulence that we have been going through in recent years, supporting the elderly has been and still is a fundamental pillar in alleviating the social impact of the economic crisis affecting families all over the world. This support has several manifestations:

• Financial support : many of our grandparents were “forced” to provide for their children and grandchildren. At the onset of the crisis, many covered the expenses and needs of the extended family with their retirement pensions.
• Educational support : with parents working long hours outside the home, it was the grandparents who took care of their grandchildren. Extracurricular activities, medical appointments, leisure activities, vacations… Without the support of grandparents, it would often not be possible to achieve everything. It is therefore easier for parents to start their own family without giving up their professional life; their own parents are there to help them.
• Household support : weekly shopping, cleaning … Before the crisis erupted, many families could afford to have domestic workers to take care of household chores. When the crisis began to weigh on the family economy, this was no longer possible. This meant, again, that grandparents had to take on all of these tasks to provide for their children.

All of the above, on many occasions, has given rise to a dynamic in which grandparents have found themselves in a state of overload. Hence the syndrome of slave grandparents. For this reason, it is necessary to know how to say “stop” and to set limits in order not to reach an abusive situation.

Symptoms of slave grandparents syndrome

In the words of Soldevilla, “ what could a priori represent an effective and therapeutic formula for the enrichment of each other, in many cases, constitutes a background where amiable“ Sunamitism ”is closer to modern formulas. of slavery that use iron bonds of affection by chains ”. (Soldevilla, 2008)

On the other hand, slave grandparent syndrome does not address the idea that caring for and bonding with grandchildren has beneficial effects. According to Triadó et al. (2008) this relationship allows grandparents to:

• Enjoy the role of grandparent
• Have a closer relationship with his family
• Feel happiness
• Have more activities
• Feel a sense of security

However, this relationship, if poorly constructed, also has drawbacks and negative effects that in many cases would fit the definition of a slave grandparent. Triadó et al (2008):

• Fatigue and exhaustion
• Stress
• Feeling of being a prisoner
• Little social life and little free time
• Worsening of health
• Family disputes

Limits and organization

Let us remember that grandparents do not have the same energy and capacity as when they were our parents. Physical limitations can appear in old age. It is therefore necessary to set limits and organize a routine in which there is a space that they can manage independently of their grandchildren. In other words, grandparents are also people with their own interests. It is therefore necessary to take them into account, just as it is fundamental to pay attention to their overall health and, by extension, that of their grandchildren.

It is necessary to take into account their aspirations, their plans for the future, their preferences … Their opinion, even if it is perhaps not too adapted to current events, will always be supported by the value of the experience, especially in the human domain. An area that is not known to change dramatically over the years. Either way, they shouldn’t be forced to give their lives to care for their grandchildren.

Therefore, a good organization and a good distribution of tasks are fundamental. We are talking about planning here that allows parents to organize themselves by relying on their grandparents only when absolutely necessary or when the grandparents want it. They may be grandparents, but they are the ones who ultimately have the right to decide how they want to fulfill this role.

Our thoughts

If we think about our childhood, we will certainly find there a personality with a relevant role: our grandparents.