Tell Me What I Should Do, Not What You Would Do
When you are worried, loneliness is a good thing. But she’s like a demon when you finally want to talk and when doubts accumulate. When we want to put words into what we want and desire, our silliest whims, and no one is there by our side. We called someone because neither the sofa, nor the blanket, nor the ice, which was too cold, served as a lifebuoy. We have tried with all of this, but these things do not solve any of our questions.
We then look at the list of contacts on our phone and think about who to call, who can help us. As names appear, responses appear as well. We can guess what the majority of people will tell us, we know that others will not be interested in us, that they will not have time to share a good coffee or that they will not listen to us.
I speak with you so that you listen to me
I am telling you all this so that you warm me up, so that you understand that I am going through a bad patch. So that you know that it makes me angry, that it angers me to the point of secretly making me cry and snuggling up in sheets in the direct sunlight. I don’t need you to tell me that you warned me, I know that you, “so smart”, you would never have gotten to such a situation.
But it is not you who is commanded by my fears, my demons, my illusions and my prerequisites, personal and untransferable. It’s myself, although I sometimes deny it and want to send it all out the window. Don’t take me for a fool, even though I’m immature, I don’t play with the important things, I take them very seriously. I never would have done this if I hadn’t thought it was the right thing to do, even though it ended up in a tearful disillusionment.
I don’t need you to blame me, I already have my own Jiminy Cricket that I can’t seem to silence in such moments, even subjecting him to the worst tortures. He’s screaming so loud I can’t ignore him. He insists, tireless and stubborn. Don’t laugh, because there’s nothing funny about it. If you think you’re calming the situation by doing this, you’re wrong: you’re just making me feel even more insignificant when I already feel very small.
“Empathy lies in the ability to be present, without an opinion.”
-Marshall Rosenberg-
I don’t wanna know what you would do
I don’t want to know what you would do in my place either, it’s not a way to find solutions. At least, not before I feel and know for sure that you have understood me, that you have put yourself entirely in my shoes and that you are willing to accept the difficulty that this imposes. Then you might be able to help me consider options, but not to mention what you would do.
Also, don’t think that I’m going to pay you any attention because I was wrong in the past. It does not give more importance to your criteria than to mine, do not forget that I did not give up the responsibility of taking responsibility for what happened, or what happens. These are independent decisions and yes, you may witness another mistake on my part but … Isn’t that what I’m doing with you?
Take me in Your arms. I have the impression that I have to tell you everything. Sorry, no, it’s just my mood that makes me say that. But you can still hug me, it’ll calm me down. Verry much. I can also leave you because it’s been a while since you’ve had to carry all my weight, go back to your seat and tell me what’s on your mind, tell me one thing you’d be willing to kill for, or say- just me if you are hungry. By the way, I still have some ice cream, do you want some?
