Being And Not Doing, The Solution To Many Problems
One of the first questions we ask ourselves when we have a problem is: what should I do? And, immediately, we think about the different possible alternatives in order to act as quickly as possible. However, some problems do not resolve after this exercise. They repeat themselves or are postponed, but they are not resolved. Maybe that means we should be focusing on a way of being and not doing.
In principle, this may sound a bit abstract, but in reality it is a very concrete idea. Some problems don’t get resolved because the solution just isn’t to take a specific action to stop them. They demand a change, whether it is in our point of view, our attitude or an aspect of our personality. This is why we talk about being and not doing.
“Doing” becomes useless when the origin of a difficulty is in “being”. Think, for example, of someone who continually tries to make their partner pay more attention to them. He / she tells her frequently and tries to get his / her other half to commit to this point. However, this person does not find the solution to what is happening. So perhaps the most adequate thing is not to claim (do) but to study what is behind this need for frustrated attention (to be).
To be and not to do in various circumstances
The first idea to emphasize is that very often we fail to define a problem or point out what is really problematic. One thing dominates: the desire to push it aside, to get rid of it. We see it exclusively as an embarrassment or a threat that must be addressed as soon as possible.
This often leads us to hurry. We activate the action or reaction button long before we have done a reasonable analysis of the situation. Staying inactive for a while is not often seen as an option. It is for this reason that it is said that we are in an era of “making humans” instead of human beings.
The most practical and material problems are usually solved by doing something. If the sink is clogged, it needs to be repaired. This does not require further thought as it is a visible difficulty for which there are already protocols for action. Faced with more abstract problems, the situation is different. This is when being, and not doing, becomes important.
The attitude to a problem is a personal creation
Each one constructs a particular way of reacting to problems. While some see them as challenges that pique their interest, others see them as risks that must be avoided as quickly as possible. It is the first point which involves being and not doing it. It is the being who gives meaning to difficulties, who forges an attitude towards them.
Sometimes we gain a lot from observing and assessing our own attitude to a problem. Would a more constructive look help us resolve the latter? Has this difficulty ever arisen? Was what we did to resolve it worked? Is the first thing that comes to mind to redo what had already failed in the past?
To be and not to do means to deepen these reflections and seek points of view that include a look at how we feel and think about what is happening to us. It is very likely that the way we see the problem and the attitude we assume towards it are the two things that determine its continuation or its solution.
Observe, accept and understand
To be and not to do implies eliminating automatisms in the face of difficulties. If you are assaulted, you may be better off not assaulting in return. If you are unsuccessful at a task, you may not want to try to minimize or hide this error. If things aren’t working out in your relationship, it’s likely that asking each other for things isn’t the answer.
Trying not to get carried away by our immediate beliefs would be a good thing. Just like not rushing into judgments or denying or turning our backs on problems. Instead of doing this, it might be beneficial to observe the difficulty by having an open mind. Without prejudices and without preconceived ideas that alter our perception. Then accept that we have a problem, without letting ourselves be overcome by anxiety. Finally, we must seek to understand what is really going on and how we are helping this problem to occur.
In other words, if we balance our being and connect to ourselves before we act, we will have a greater chance of finding the right path to follow. To be and not to do. Find us before moving forward. Look inside and not outside. Work on who we are in order to become better.
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